Okay. So, I admit it I was whining.
"Would you like some cheese with that whine" is one of my favorite expressions. I regularly use it with others - the kids, friends, the people I help at work. I find that it adds levity to a bit of the truth that whining about real evils does not bring about anything positive. Indeed it can be debilitating at least for me. When I am whining and especially when I am feeling sorry for myself I become overwhelmed with negative feelings and find it difficult to take action that will make the situation I'm whining about better. Just like an alcoholic - whine only leads to more whine.
Life often sucks. Situations people face in the real world are often not nice. Read the newspaper. Come work with me. Visit the Third World - the real one not tourist areas. Assuming there is a God in charge of it all (a rather large assumption), I subscribe to the Desi Arnaz' theology. "Lucy (god) you got a lot of explaining to do."
Sure the situation I'm in sucks. But off the pity pot. I should be called out on that when it happens.
But what am I going to do about it.
- Continue to wait for now. Recover from the concussion. My thinking is a little off - more so than usual.
- Pick up where I was in therapy - focusing on confrontation and how to not take the blame for everything - I'm not that damn important
- Move forward sooner rather than later - not impetuously, but not overly slowly
- By moving forward I mean letting C know:
- No, I'm not an asshole who has led her on for 4 years
- I love her, but cannot live with her because it has led to dangerous depression
- That we have to figure the best way for us to live separately in a way that does the least harm first to the children and then to ourselves.
Actually looking forward to therapy Thursday.