Rob at Below the Radar posted about inertia recently. Inertia worries me. It is why my head hit the window of my car a couple of weeks ago resulting in a concussion. It is why I end up in the damn small circle that ends in depression every 6-12 months. Inertia is difficult to overcome. It is even more difficult to overcome without pain.
Jim at Conflicting Clarity has the best picture for inertia when he commented on Rob's post; I've shamelessly stolen it here. The picture speaks to me. There are many days when I have felt like this motorcyclist. The price of change is too great - the inertia will send me flying to a painful if not deadly landing.
Right now and for the past bit though I know that the road I'm on is the trouble. While I still am not looking forward to flying through the air like our friend on the motorcycle, there is the nascent belief that there will be less pain on the other side once I've done what needs to be done.
Last week in therapy I made the crack that the grass is not always greener on the other side in that divorce/separation whatever holds for C and me may not be better than what I have now. In a departure from therapeutic detachment the therapist says oh yes it is. She is right. What I have done to myself in these past years is far worse than anything C would or even could do.
So, overcoming inertia. Perhaps it takes hitting that wall, even at full speed, with the faith or at least hope that the grass is greener on the other side. It will not with without pain - both the pain from fear in anticipation and pain from the landing.
Now, I know - all talk and no action. There are three frogs on a log in the pond and one spots a really juicy fly nearby, but out of tongue range. One frog decides to jump after the fly. How many frogs are on the log?
It's time to NOT be that frog left on the log with his friends.
This week's baby steps:
1. Lunch at a gay restaurant in town.
2. Meet with John, who is mentoring me - discuss gay social outlet.