Friday, June 28, 2013

Out of the woods

C and I used to do a lot of hiking.  Everything slows down when you're in the middle of nowhere.  One of the most remarkable things is the quiet.  My head has not been quiet for quite some time.  Being gay, figuring out what it means, gnawing at the implications, imagining the possibilities have all kept my head way too busy for quite some time. 

On the good side, the old noggin is doing better.  My cognitive issues from the concussion have disappeared since my last post.

More significantly, I feel I am moving out of the woods.  Or at least out of the scarey woods.  I am able to work with the therapist to set goals and do them.  So yesterday at the session I mention I feel stuck in part because I haven't talked with C about coming out to the kids.  It's overwhelming; I don't know where to begin.  So we make a plan that I will do it Friday night (tonight) over dinner. 

Thursday night we go out to dinner after a hectic evening.  I let 2-3 good segues pass unused.  Typically this has meant that I will let it go.  I don't.  We talk about it as a good idea, but can't set a date for scheduling purposes.  We then talk more about the gay thing. 

I don't know what is further down the path.  I can't see beyond the horizon.  But much like the picture here I can see the path well enough to keep going.  The difference is today I trust that the path will continue beyond the horizon.  It is not a path I wanted or that I chose.  But as the Stones say - "You don't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need."

1.  Given the beginning of the post perhaps it's time to sit in meditation daily again.  I really don't want to, but it might help in a number of ways.
2.  On Monday's therapy figure out a good time to bring C in to the session to role play coming out to the kids.
3.  Figure out what I want to do for fun while C and kids are back east in a couple of weeks.
4.  Figure out a good hike to go on alone or with some/all of the family.  Missing the Hudson and Shenandoah Valleys.

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