I don't like therapy.
I am practiced at avoiding, suppressing, repressing, compartmentalizing and just generally not dealing with tgt (the gay thing). Since that is the major presenting issue at therapy it has been a a hard road.
Today however I see a light at the end of the tunnel and am reasonably certain that it is not a train bearing down on me. The therapist and I talked about both the baby steps I am doing and some more I can do to continue to move toward being who I am. Right now I am hopeful. I dread the conversation that is in the reasonably near future with C. But I believe the conversation is possible.
Interestingly, just as therapy was ending C called to say that our oldest's therapist thinks that my coming out to the kids would be a good thing. Another hurdle to talk about next week. I may not be bursting down the doors of the closet, but I am standing up and fighting to be who I am.
It is said that hope springs eternal. I'm not so sure abut the eternal piece, but know am committed to nurturing that hope as I continue to move toward being who I am.