Feel like I'm waist deep in quicksand and sinking ever so slowly.
Couples therapy was last night. I walked out toward the end. Things were hitting close to home on several occasions. Particularly talking about childhood crap (came up because mom is still in town). Yes, I had a sort of crappy childhood, but it could have been a whole lot worse. Yes, I isolated at the age of 12 or so - my take is that that is when I realized I'm gay and hide it and everything else away. Sure my father was an alcoholic and that didn't help a damn thing.
But hearing C repeatedly say that I was doing no work was just too much. All I'm doing is abandoning her, the kids and our vows. Like this is on a whim. Like I realized yesterday that I'm gay and poof decide to leave today. Like I haven't spent the past 6 years trying to deal with this, the last two years with her. That was too much to hear and I had to choose exploding or running - I ran. The ride home was horrific. I was not feeling particularly safe.
Then I come to work today to read an email that says a significant source of revenue is likely to be unavailable. This means we are in a full blown cash flow crisis.
It's not going to be a good day.
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