Friday, May 27, 2011


Sometimes you just screw up.

I know - "the computer made me do it."  Well in this case it was not looking at the computer that made me do it.

I sync home and work computers and my phone with Mobile Me with contacts and calendar.  I love it.  BUT when you make plans for Memorial Day weekend with your wife you should always check in at least one of those places to see if you have booked anything else.

So instead of spending tonight and tomorrow with C I will spend tonight alone and tomorrow doing something related to work.  The only good side is that we are also so short staffed at work that it would have been difficult to leave today as planned.

I am as a whole sort of relieved.  I do not have to spend time in intense conversation with C.  I can be just me and gay.  There is a gay event tonight and a couple of other places I can go where I can just be.  I spent some of last night just pondering - what do I want; what do I need for now.  Do I need to be separate from C in order to be authentic.  Do I need to stay married to be authentic.  Authentically what of course is the question.  And really the question is how separate or how together do I need to be.  It is not an all or nothing deal. 

I am already more separate from C than I was when I came out to myself and to her.  And I will always be connected at least in virtue of the kids and I hope at least out of friendship and mutual caring.  But things are not the way they were.  Nor are they now the way they will be.

I am a work in progress.

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