Almost 2 years since I've written. Wow. Reading back was helpful to me. And sad not a lot has changed. Still married; still muddling through. Been a bit of a rough time lately. Wife called a psychiatrist today who suggested that she take me to the ER. They are worried that I am not safe.
Still in therapy with the same person - who for the most part is wonderful and usually spot on. The last 4-6 weeks have been particularly tough. I've realized the marriage at least as it is is not working. My MO seems to be sweep it all under the rug and hope it will go away. It doesn't. I am a gay man married to a woman - that's a fundamental disconnect. While there may be some who can make non-monogamy work I am not sure that I can and I do not think my wife can.
It is very much a Sophie's Choice, Scylla and Charybdis, rock and a hard place.
Perhaps I'll continue to write - feels good. And it was helpful to read back.