Wednesday, July 17, 2013
The email was simple - "So what are you looking for man?" Okay, I know, the email wasn't all that appropriate if your mind is on sex only - which was probably the case here.
But it made me think - what am I looking for. I've been on Manhunt, Grindr and CL a bit more than usual recently. I've also been emailing/chatting via them more than usual. There's one guy in particular that I've traded several emails with - another married guy. Am I looking to hook up?
The answer is complicated - yes I am and no I am not. If you will, I want to want to hook up. I want to have that freedom and ability. I want to jump ahead 12 months in the process. Or rather I want to set up the process sot that it jumps ahead by my actions. I don't want to have the "hey honey we have to separate/divorce" conversation with C. But the "hey honey I'm seeing Joe who I met on MH or CL" would be an even tougher conversation.
My choice is to then avoid m2m sex until things are settled with C or to hook up on the DL. I'm not sure I could survive the DL long. Hell once I finally figured out I was gay I had to tell C in less than a month in part because I couldn't lie.
Therapy on Thursday - discuss just this to help me figure out "what I want man".
Keep authenticity in all areas.
(And still check out the eye candy online)