Wednesday, July 17, 2013


I got the most appropriate email on Manhunt the other day.  I know, shocking!! 

The email was simple - "So what are you looking for man?"  Okay, I know, the email wasn't all that appropriate if your mind is on sex only - which was probably the case here.

But it made me think - what am I looking for.  I've been on Manhunt, Grindr and CL a bit more than usual recently.  I've also been emailing/chatting via them more than usual.  There's one guy in particular that I've traded several emails with - another married guy.  Am I looking to hook up? 

The answer is complicated - yes I am and no I am not.  If you will, I want to want to hook up.  I want to have that freedom and ability.  I want to jump ahead 12 months in the process.  Or rather I want to set up the process sot that it jumps ahead by my actions.  I don't want to have the "hey honey we have to separate/divorce" conversation with C.  But the "hey honey I'm seeing Joe who I met on MH or CL" would be an even tougher conversation.

My choice is to then avoid m2m sex until things are settled with C or to hook up on the DL.  I'm not sure I could survive the DL long.  Hell once I finally figured out I was gay I had to tell C in less than a month in part because I couldn't lie.  


Therapy on Thursday - discuss just this to help me figure out "what I want man".
Keep authenticity in all areas.
(And still check out the eye candy online)

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