Wednesday, August 21, 2013
The Joy of Text
So yesterday I get a text out of the blue from a guy I'd been chatting with - he'd been sort of mentoring me further out of the closet until he moved with his partner out of state. To be fair I knew this was likely too happen. He wanted to know how I was. We texted a bit - he gave me a recommendation for a couples therapist that I've already called. That alone shows great progress - I no longer feel caught in the middle of a quagmire - the edges perhaps, but not the middle.
Then I got into an briefer texting context with another gay guy I know. He was reaching out for himself, but then checked up on me.
It felt wonderfully hopeful to be the object of care and concern.
Then it dawned on me. Here I am carrying on two simultaneous conversations via text. Perhaps my problem isn't the medium for the conversation, but the conversation. Or rather that this was an out conversation. Both men know I am gay. I was not hiding; I was not letting someone assume I'm straight.
I just was.
I just was happy.
Or as Geoffrey wrote yesterday - I gave myself permission - to be happy, to just be.