Tuesday, September 27, 2011
But since I've come out I think I've taken more than I have in the rest of my life - other than antibiotics. And I've done my share of complaining - e.g., my effexor rants.
So I'm still fighting with the pain. I have two protruding and two herniated disks in the c4-c7 range. The pain is manageable now. Acupuncture is working well.
One of the meds I was on was Neurontin. It was to help one of the nerves coming from my neck that is causing some of the pain and especially the numbness in the hand. I had stopped taking it - I really do not like taking pills. But on the advice of the doctor began taking it again.
Now I am on wellbutrin for depression. I should add with significant suicidal ideation in the past. So I'm prone to depression and suicidal thoughts. One of the side effects of neurontin is a marked increase in the incidence of suicide and violent death!!
So, last week I'm tooling along doing well. Life looks good. The pain is a whole lot less. One of those interviews went very well. The other went exceedingly well - they asked me in for a 2nd interview within 2 days of the first and asked for references. Life is grand.
C says something pretty innocuous. Mother in law is visiting. I begin to fall apart. I withdraw. C leaves for an appointment. I leave a bit later with all my meds (including the opiates) with the intention of eating them all.
I did not. Made it home - scared the crap out of C and her mum. And me. Still a wreck the next day, but better. Day after that back to normal.
Now who really knows, but it has been a while since I've felt that out of control - since I was a teenager. I was VERY lucky not to be a gay teenaged statistic. The only reasonable explanation is the Neurontin. It may work for some; I am not one of them.
Bottom line - I will read about all the side effects of all the drugs I take. I will then try to remember the side effects while taking the drugs, especially paying attention the psychological ones and alerting those around me to them so they can intervene before I crash and burn.