I worry that I am stagnating.
This is not an unreasonable fear. I have moved very slowly through the process of coming out into a place where I know I cannot be married. To put it another way - I know I am not moving too fast. So the question about the few weeks is: Am I stagnating or just resting?
My knee jerk reaction is that I am stagnating.
I've noticed a tendency over the years. I will often be hard on myself when there is no cause to be. And I will often cut myself a break when I need a boot in the ass.
In this case I think it is the former. I am poking around looking at living arrangements. I am helping take care of the kids and C. I am doing what I need to take care of myself - I am back on meds for depression at least for the next bit. I am trying to take care of things at work - but am VERY distracted. Perhaps most importantly I've done some heavy lifting. I've told C that we can no longer be married - a couple of years ago I would have bet I would never be able to do that.
I am in other words doing the things I need to do. At this point I am coasting or resting in order to recuperate from the recent heavy lifting and to prepare for even more heavy lifting.
Truth be told - I am looking forward to being able to just be.
Onward and upward.