Thursday, May 29, 2014
Our oldest graduated from high school this evening. She grown up a lot in the past bit. She was going to celebrate with a friend afterward and as she was getting out of the car she said, "I love you." She thanked us all for going to her graduation.
Unfortunately, we haven't made a big deal out of it. Our transition has taken a lot of energy. C is beginning to feel the reality of the pain of our impending separation. It's made some of our conversations a bit more difficult. It does not help that a person who she was beginning to depend on has wigged out. The person was beginning to be able to be a replacement sounding board for C - a role that is less possible for me concerning the separation. As much as possible we are walking this together in the same way we've done the whole process - healthfully. I am grateful.
Our plan at this point is to tell the kids before the end of the week. More C's timing than mine. I tend to procrastinate such things in case that's not obvious. C and the oldest then have a trip planned later in the week for orientation for our oldest. Then C and likely all of the kids are off to C's parent's to visit her dad who is not doing as well as we'd like. He has cancer.
The word is getting around. C took it upon herself to tell my mum about the situation. C has a good relationship with her - not telling, but one of those situations where in C's conscience not telling the whole truth is a lie. Not telling my mum meant C was speaking to her. I've begun to tell folks at work some of what is occurring. Have I mentioned before that C and I work together and that I happen to run the small nonprofit? What a tangled web?
And while all this is happening I've begun to look for apartments. I saw one today; I have two scheduled for tomorrow. Getting an inexpensive one bedroom apartment that is still livable should be interesting. Fortunately, we've moved away from Boston, NY and DC where the rental market is markedly worse than here. I think either of the places I'll see tomorrow could be fine.
Not that C and I have talked about a date for moving out yet. Contingency planning on my part. I think we both realize that since we are doing this, it is better to do it quicker. The hanging on is not making it easier.
The biggest stress now is the kids. Cameron has it right in the note to the last post. Kids are flexible. Not that this will be easy. The reactions will likely get to what does this mean for me - it was when my folks got divorced. Since there is no drama between C and me and since we plan to emphasize our love for them, there will be a lot less disruption than I felt. Of course I won't disappear unlike my dad. We have a roughed out plan to continue to eat together at least one night a week.
Once we've told the kids we'll have to do the work of separating.
I am reminded again that contradictions can live in the same space. I dread and yearn for that time of separation.