For the past few years Mother's Day has been tough. This year it was a bit tougher. I got the comment wait to Father's Day when it's the last one as an intact family. That I think sums up the mood here, Or rather with C. I am more of the opinion that telling the kids will be rough; helping them deal with it will be rough.
But I cannot wait. While I may be downplaying the difficulties, they cannot be as difficult as the past few years. I am the best place I've been in for 10+ years.
Holidays, birthdays, family vacations...these can be some of the toughest days to endure - but they don't need to be that way. At least not in the long-run. In the short-run you both need to adjust to the change in your relationship. It's a grieving process that needs to happen, just like any other. The sadness you both feel is normal, natural and healthy. Your old relationship needs to come apart before it can be brought back together in a new, happier configuration.
ReplyDeleteI participate in an in-person support group for now-out, once married men. One of the most helpful, yet unexpected, suggestions I've seen from a long-term member was to strongly encourage men at your stage of the process to hire a counselor that you both see together who can help you separate. That might sound crazy but it's not when you think about it. Splitting up turns ugly when communication stops and hurt turns into resentment and anger. The key ways to prevent those things from happening are proactive coaching and keeping healthy communication flowing. A skilled joint counselor can do that.
While it's very possible that Father's Day next year will be unlike any other, you might find that you'll both be ready to return to family traditions in the years that follow. Many now-out men have positive, loving relationships with their exes. Our marriages don't end because the love has died, they evolve because our love is based on friendship not desire. That's an essential difference between our break-ups and those of most straight couples. A good therapist can help guide you through the relationship-reconfiguration process so that you both grieve as you need to but you're still able to keep your bond and build on it for many years in the future.