Yesterday in my individual therapy appointment it came up. I am just plain sad about where I am. That includes that it looks like the marriage with C is over.
When I fully consider that - when I can hold and really look at that the sadness can seem overwhelming. Or I fear that it can be. But the more I really look at it the more I realize the size of the sadness. It is large, but not gigantic. It demands attention and accommodation, but it does not have to overwhelm me. I can let it, but I no longer have to allow that.
I find it odd that I hadn't realized that before. That some of my reticence in moving forward is fear of the feelings of sadness and grief that it will engender in me. That the sadness is of course real. And that it too shall pass.
I found it odd when I looked for an image of sadness that there wasn't a lot out there. Or rather there wasn't a lot out there that was really about sadness. Many of the images were stylized. Do we avoid grief that much? I certainly have.
Today I am sad. Today I know it will not last for every. Today I will feel my sadness and not let it overwhelm me. That is amazing progress.
Today I will continue to move forward through the sadness and grief.
Tomorrow I will be okay. Today I am okay.
Breathe. (which is becoming a mantra, and rightfully so)
It is very much an emotional roller coaster, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteAnd I never did like roller coasters.
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